Wednesday, December 12, 2007
You Must Be At Least This Caliente to Ride the Gravi-whirl
We kicked its ass in 1898; now Spain's exacting her revenge where it hurts most: on the soft underbelly of our strategic funnel cake reserve.
Kennywood Park, for more than 100 years a Pittsburgh-based amusement destination for sexual predators and sexual prey alike, was sold to Parques Reunidos of Madrid on December 11 for approximately $200 million, reports the local fish wrap.
In addition to the hilarious names of its founders (F.W. Henninger and A.S. McSwigan) and the ironic year of its founding (1898 [!]), parent company Kennywood Entertainment has also been blessed with some of the most adorably inept p.r. flacks this side of Fred Thompson For President.
When asked if the park would change under the new owners, public relations director Mary Lou Rosemeyer said:
"The park's going to continue to be what it is, what we all love. We don't expect to see any changes. We don't think it's going to become a giant taco stand."
C'mon, Mary Lou. Tacos are Mexican, not Spanish. Kennywood Park is obviously doomed to become a sprawling tapas bar with a Go-Kart track circling its multiple bull fights.
Posted by Government Issue at 2:53 PM