Monday, November 26, 2007

'Hit' Piece

On fine newsstands everywhere, the latest Newsweek magazine profiles presidential candidate Rudolph GIULIANI and casts stark light on his formative years as an Italian-American student, Italian-American son, and Italian-American stereotype.

Of note to DN readers: 1) In addition to having a scary foreign last name, Rudy GIULIANI listened to opera with other swarthy, meatball-sucking Mediterranean-types while attending high school in Brooklyn. (Brooklyn? That's in New York!!!!)

2) Did you know that Rudy GIULIANI is collaterally related to people reputedly linked to the mob in some fashion? I did; all Italian Americans are natural criminals who enjoy nothing so much as cheating the system and fire-bombing the homes of those who question their methods.

3) Despite a record of prosecuting Mafia leaders and breaking the back of New York City's criminal rackets, Rudy GIULIANI secretly intends to hand over the country to La Cosa Nostra once elected. The United States will be renamed "Heeey, Shutta You Face Town" and will be presided over by a revolving door of subliterate dagos and wops, starting with Supreme Court justices Antonin Scalia and Samuel Alito, as well as the former Joint Chiefs Chairman, General Peter Pace.

Bravo, Newsweek! Your unbiased klatch of WASP writers and straight-shooting editors has once again ensured that the presidential winner of 2008 will re-confirm the highest standards of eighteenth-century race theory and irrational xenophobia.

2 comments:

CapitolMAN said...

Classic Italian overreaction, Spaghetti Bender.

I thought the story was a breezy and sycophantic retelling of Rudy's childhood. Naturally, the reporters had to mention Rudy's genetic predisposition toward criminality and plum marinara sauce.

Highland Ave. said...

Rudy's history, and that of la famiglia Guliani, is just that. It isn't his fault, and it isn't uncommon.

When Rudy was a kid, New York went bankrupt while riots burned half of Detroit and LA. Took a tough type of person to endure America's 1960's urban dystopia. If Barak hadn't grown up in a Syrian Madrassa, his life in black urban slums would be equally chequered.

So what, Rudy didn't spend his summers knocking on doors like Mitt, or doing tent revival altar calls like Huckabee, but I don't think that's the point. Guliani's is a story of survival in a broken city. Its as heroic as it is grotesque. Further, nothing wrong with being Italian, unless you're one of those gaudy guidos living in a Corinthian column on a cul-du-sac in Jersey; strutting about your marbled palace in leopard print stirrup pants.