Go burn a newspaper right now. It's okay, we'll wait.
Folks, the DN has some potentially terrifying news: the Newseum, the first museum devoted exclusively to journalism and journalists, will not be opening the doors to its new Pennslyvania Avenue location on schedule. Yeah, you read that correctly: the Washington Times reports that the original mid-October grand re-opening has been postponed until the first quarter of 2008. That's like many months from now!
The DN had planned to take a road trip to the Newseum's ribbon-cutting -- you know, check out the couch where Ben Bradlee sexually harassed his female employees, get a gander at Anna Marie Cox's original support bra, touch one of the hundred or so typewriter-bound monkeys that writes Bob Herbert's column every week: we were gonna see everything.
But now that dream is dead. So, like the good Americans we are, the Darn News has found someone to blame for the Newseum's Brownie-like fuck-up. His name's Max Page. He's the vice president and deputy director. Plus, he's overweight, which automatically makes him evil. Thanks for blowing our museum visit, fatso. A man with that much neck jelly shouldn't even be in charge of a jigsaw puzzle. And your name is "Page," too. What the fuck is that?! [*Smack!*] That's for making us care about you.
See you in '08!