Friday, September 28, 2007

Jenna Bush Does Diane Sawyer (Photo)

Hey! Not like that! Anyhow, Jenna Bush will be appearing on ABC's 20/20 tonight at 10 p.m. EDT.

She'll dish to Ms. Sawyer the details of her new book, "Ana's Story," her experiences as first daughter, and the arrangements for the White House wedding we'll all soon be subsidizing. It's going to be an evening "pregnant" with revelation.

Friday Porn: Soccer's World C-Cups

You were expecting maybe Brandi Chastain?

Folks, the DN loves three things: broadband Internets connections, books on war, and cute soccer babes playing a game we would otherwise ignore -- like for instance Heather Mitts. But not long are the days of wine and roses and sports bras and short shorts. US Women's World Cup Soccer Team, you have let the terrorists win.

The Lady Patriots (just go with it) lost in their semi-final match against perennial powerhouse (your guess is as good as ours) Brazil yesterday, by a score of 4-0 (Is that a lot? Never mind). And after the soccer match ended a blame game broke out, apparently. Baltimore Sun writer and editor Bill Ordine details the fun fallout on his "O, by the Way" blog. O, dear God, is that really its name?

So shape up, soccer honeys. One more embarrassing loss like this and women's futbol may be relegated to fourth-tier status in American sports culture. Now get out there and bend something ala Beckham!

DN BREAKING STORY: END OF THE WORLD

It is my unpleasant duty to inform you, gentle readers of the Darn News, that the world has come to an end. Hell has apparently surfaced in Versailles, PA. It has been confirmed by multiple credible sources that the rancid smell of sulfur engulphing the Youghiogheny River town of 1,700 Heralds the End of Times. From the turbulent tintinnabulation of London's bells, to panicked mobs before Beijing's Ancient City, the people of Earth hurriedly sought intercession against the Reign of the Beast throughout the day today. Though their tearful, fervent prayers are ongoing, the faithful sense a hollow emptiness. Worried whispers among communicants speak of the Absence of God.

Yet in Versailles, PA, where the gaping mouth of Hell spews forth acrid sulfur, an eerie calm, nay, apathy, settles over the public. Whereas the faithful claim the gathering clouds portend a future of endless darkness, Cyril 'Jock' Sbpolaszcenski, on his 9 AM walk to Todd's by the Bridge, said of the coming of Satan:

"Ya know, a man's vote ain't worth a damned no more. First its the damned Lyin' Union Democrats, then the damned Lyin' rich Republicans. Gergely, then Levdansky, then Satan! All them promises, an ya know what changes? Not a Goddamn thing. "

Versailles VFD prepared for the event by stockpiling gasoline and generators. Worried firemen checked and double-checked the generators. "This sumnabitch better not cut off till after the Stillers/Cardinals this Sunday," said a man fiddling furiously with a nest of wires connecting an ancient generator to a beermeister. Yes, Versailles and the World together brace for the worst.

In this last communique, we at the Dee-N wish you peace from the coming darkness. May tomorrow find us all, hopeful, safe, and free. God Bless.

Kevin Everett - healthy as a convict

Despite a serious spinal cord injury, Buffalo Bill Kevin Everett is just like every other NFL player. He's got a date with a law.

Nope. Wait a minute. Just a HIGH-larious TV news blooper.

Aron Ralston Still Surfing On That 'Superior Strength of Character and Innate Bravery' Shtick

Carnegie-Mellon University alumnus and best-selling author Aron Ralston was back in Pittsburgh recently. Monday's Post-Gazette ran his interview with marginally talented breakfast-scribbler Patricia Sheridan in which Ralston attempted to negotiate her Werner Herzog-like grimness ("How does one control utter panic?") with poise and optimism.

Speaking candidly, the DN doesn't understand the big fuss over Ralston. What's so impressive about getting pinned beneath an 800-pound rock for six days in the Utah desert, deprived of food, water, and worldly contact, then cutting off your own arm with a pocket knife so dulled by use that it takes roughly an hour before you've even severed the connecting nerve, then repelling down a 65-foot sheer cliff face to the delerious-with-pain, seven-mile uphill hike toward a guide post you can barely recall from a week ago, before circling vultures and a pack of blood-starved coyotes can close in around you? It's like, So what? It took 20 minutes for us to find a parking spot this morning.

Aron Ralston, take your unique personal story and life-affirming tale of overcoming daunting odds elsewhere. But ... would you mind signing our book first??

That ball is going, going, GOP!

If you're looking for Friday Porn, hang on dear reader. First, put on your hard hat because I'm about to drop a little knowledge on you.

I wholly expect the right-wing noise machine to belittle the pundits and reporters like David Broder who dare question the savviness of President Bush's expected veto of the S-CHIP bill, which would give an additional 4.4 million uninsured children health care. Although this legislation is co-sponsored by Republican Senator Chuck Grassley (Iowa), Bush has shown no willingness to compromise on the extension of a popular, federally-funded program.

I believe the GOP can articulate a strong, philosophical defense against the expansion of a government entitlement program. A cogent argument can be made against giving children in households earning $80,000 free health care.

But denying children visits to doctors makes for bad campaign mojo in 2008. And the GOP's sudden interest in fiscal restraint rings hollow for the party faithful who have watched spending increase unabated during Republican control of the country.

Washington crank David Broder predicts this veto will precipitate lonely days for the 151 House Republicans who voted against S-Chip, and will likely lead to a Democratic whitewash in 2008.

No money
.

No horse sense
.

No chance.

By opposing this popular piece of legislation, Bush and Republicans appear tone-deaf and unwilling to confront the complicated issue of health care. Heil, President Clinton!

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Bay of Bang Gals


Attention, Carnegie-Mellon math club! Vogue Magazine has launched in India!

Yeah, that's right: India. One of the DN's favorite countries, birthplace of Bollywood, and home to the hottest broads on the Asian subcontinent (sorry, Bhutan), India boasts both a percolating economy and a vast, undeclared nuclear-weapons cache. Pretty rad, huh?

So hop a flight to Mumbai and grab a piece of the West's inexorable incursion into other people's cultural space! (Or don't.)

Andy in San Franciscy

Friend-of-the-DN Andy Kindler will be performing at the Punch Line Comedy Club tonight @ 8p.m., in San Francisco. Andy's maybe the best stand-up comedian working today. If you live in this godless city of tolerance and computer-engineering majors, do check him out.

Stop Whining, You're Still Alive - Part II

Carnegie Mellon and Tartan alumnus Jeff Zaslow did a follow-up piece on professor Randy Pausch. If you've been living in a cave (or vacationing in Scarborough Country), you may have missed Dr. Pausch's story.

Dr. Pausch, a CMU computer science professor is dying of pancreatic cancer. His last lecture has inspired countless numbers of people in ways big and small, including a woman who left her abusive husband and a mother who allowed her young daughter to paint her bedroom walls pink instead of "resalable vanilla." Read the story, watch the lecture, and be inspired.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Scoop: Blacks Can Eat Without Burning Down Restaurant, Says O'Reilly

Guess who's coming to dinner. What? It's Bill O'Reilly? Oh, fuck.

Faltering radio-show host Bill O'Reilly was his usual understated self recently when he made this observation after dining at Harlem's black-owned Slyvia's restaurant:
"There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who [was] screaming,'M-Fer was, I want more iced tea," he told National Public Radio's Juan Williams. "[It] was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun. And there wasn't any kind of craziness at all."
C'mon, Bill! Not one person? Surely there was some sort of krumping contest going on in the coat room? Or maybe a dice game at table four? Next you're going to tell me Rerun isn't their sous chef. Personally, all this blanket stereotyping is making me hungry for a good ole conservative-radio insane "thought experiment."

Is This Pork Chop Halal?



Iranian prez Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, a dictator who looks like an unwashed bathroom porter filtered through a Banana Republic catalog, interrupted his tour of New York's finest Jewish delicatessens yesterday to dine with various empty suits and media hotshots at the city's Intercontinental Hotel.

Richard Stengel offers his personal recollections of the question-and-question session at Time.

9.25.07 NEVER FORGET


State troopers apprehended two terrorists on the Pennsylvania Turnpike near Harrisburg yesterday for taking "unauthorized photographs of toll road facilities."

Oh...they're not terrorists. But they're at least persons-of-color, right?

The two Spanish men work for "Cintra, a Spain-based global investment company that has teamed to invest in toll road leases in the United States."

Fortunately, Turnpike director Joe Brimmeier understands the significance of the Global War on Terror.

"...I'm glad we have their cameras and laptops. God only knows who could get their hands on this type of information and what they could do with it."

All of us should be thankful Joe is keeping the Homeland safe from evil. Personally, I'm relieved to learn Basque separatists will not be able use their "spy photographs" to destroy PA overpasses. Let's leave the destruction of the state's infrastructures to the professionals.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Iran Establishes First-Ever Gay-Free Nation


You had me at "wipe Israel off the map."

Yesterday, tiny dictator Mahmoud Ahma ... Ackmeh ... ahem -- the guy from the country we're about to shit-hammer -- paid a visit to the (sort of) alma mater of this blogger's mommy and proceeded to declare his homeland totally unfabulous. Naturally, the crowd laughed at the preposterous notion that Iran has no homosexuals living in it.
"In Iran we do not have this phenomenon, I don't know who has told you that we have it," he said.
Well, I'm sold. What say you, reality?
The president would probably be very interested in speaking with N, an Iranian student who lives in Tehran, who told Ynet that she knew more than a few young Iranians who were gay. "They have to hide their true sexual orientation. Although they don't have their own places, their own caf├ęs to hang out in, they do exist," she said.
Like gay Bigfoot? What was the point of this clown coming to Columbia again? Your regime has managed to now define upward gays and lesbians in terms similar to an episode of "In Search of... ," Mr. President. Reform indeed.

Monday, September 24, 2007

POG Starved for Attention

The Military Industrial Complex (the City / Quodoba Cabal) has been defeated! POG-ites camping out on the streets of Oakland by a military recruitment office stood side-by-side with slaveowner and capitalist pig Thomas Jefferson for a slam-dunk First Amendment suit. The City must now allow POG the rights currently enjoyed by Oakland's homeless community; the right to peaceably piss yourself in a sleeping bag on Forbes Avenue. Cheers to you POG; the enemy vanquished, you alone hold the field.

The operative word in the last statement is alone. Despite heavy in-depth coverage by the smug myopics at the City Paper, no one knows about you. Humor me, I know that absent gainful employment, appreciable responsibility and any other trappings of maturity, your dramatic protest probably seems like a big deal. Sorry, POGites, people may give you a honk of solidarity, people may care about Iraq, people may care about recruitment, but no one really cares about you.

Which, I may venture, explains your dramatic battle with the evil City of Pittsburgh, front man for Kapitalists and the Military Indus... whatever.

Is it more likely that the City of Pittsburgh conspired with Republicans and Big Business to squelch your innocuous protest, or that they simply didn't give a shit about you? Is it more likely that the City instructed cops to hassle you, or simply didn't think your protest was worth a directive... that absent specific direction, cops responded to the provocations of your obnoxious cohort? Lastly, is it more likely that the City, Boeing and Bush intended to fight you to the end, or that when sued the City simply corralled the cops?

Occam's Razor sez: No one knew or even cared about your protest, the City's response was passive and/or belatedly reactive, and any grief you got you brought on yourself. In short, Occam's Razor sez the only people who noticed your protest were the bums displaced from their lucrative perch in front of McDonalds. But Hell, thanks for reaffirming my First Amendment rights. Free speech is free speech, even when no one hears it.

Friday Porn Remix: the Guv and Leslie McCombs


New photo of Leslie McCombs, dear reader. Leslie McCombs is seen here with her hubby Randy at the 2004 Butterfly Ball in Pittsburgh.

Leslie McCombs has very good taste in older men, doesn't she?

Upon seeing this photograph Government Issue cracked, "That face has more rolls than a Lebanese bakery."

The very talented John Micek, reporter for the Allentown Morning Call had a Sunday edition story about the McCombs-Rendell-Piccola dustup. Political analyst Terry Madonna tells Micek this story could derail Rendell's legislative agenda.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Friday Porn: Leslie McCombs and Ed Rendell - Friends With Benefits!


See, somebody in Pittsburgh likes Ed Rendell! Former Pittsburgh TV news reporter Leslie McCombs lobbied the state government to pass a $75 million film-industry tax credit that would benefit her client, Lionsgate.

But Leslie didn't register as a lobbyist. And state senator Jeff Piccola said that's a big no-no. Rather than refer the matter to the state lobbying commission, Piccola said he was going to hire a private investigator to look into the matter. And by matter he meant steamy affair between McCombs and Rendell.

McCombs did little to dispell the romance by attacking Piccola in yesterday's Philadelphia Daily News.

"Clearly, it is being suggested that I have an inappropriate relationship with the Governor. That suggestion is disgusting and insulting, and I am appalled that an elected public official can get away with such slanderous behavior," McCombs wrote in the e-mail. "It is deeply hurtful to me and my family."

Fair enough, pretty eyes. You can deny the allegation, but Harrisburg scuttlebutt says your a frequent dinner guest of the Guv. And here's a photo of the lovely couple sitting next to each other at a recent Pirates game (Rendell says there were five other people at the game, including McComb's son).

Piccola claims his private-dick isn't digging up dirt, just doing an honest day's work. John Baer, the astute political observer at the People's Paper says 'hogwash.' But Baer, like the Dee-N editors, can barely contain his glee at this emerging between-the-sheets peccadillo.

The Best Airplane Ticket Website

I have used nearly all of the available services to search for dozens and dozens of flights. All of them had their drawbacks, and no one site seemed to meet all my needs, until I was turned on to www.kayak.com by my geek buddies.

Kayak aggregates all the various other sites and sometimes hooks in directly to airlines. It provides the most comprehensive list of flights, and it has the best user interface available. You can look at a matrix of flights so you can optimize your choice of date, airport, and number of stops/time traveled. When you finally do find a ticket, it is easy to go ahead and buy from the site of choice. It's the Web 2.0 of airplane ticket vendors.

So, enough of all that cheaptickets, travelocity, orbitz, priceline, and all those other garbage sites. Come Kayak with me!

And just in case this sounds too much like a sales pitch, no, I'm not getting paid anything by anybody for this endorsement.

Who's Who in Obscene Wealth


Forbes Magazine published its annual list of the wealthiest people, and sadly a few billionaires have been left behind. To qualify for the 400-member club, you must be worth at least $1.3 billion.

Of local interest, the very private industrialist Henry Hillman (pictured here) came in at 117th, 84-Lumber baroness Maggie Magerko ranked 239th, and reclusive publisher Richard Mellon Scaife came in at 380. All of this begs the question, do industrialists really exist in the 21st century?

Some notable exclusions included, sperm whale-oil magnate Arthur T. Strikebreaker III ($1.1 b), railroad baron Randolph S. Caviarspooner ($1 b), and sorghum futures trader Chesterton "the Irishman's Nightmare" Fairskies ($780 m).

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Pens Threaten to Leave Pittsburgh

The Pittsburgh Penguins will leave Pittsburgh on January 1, 2041, if immediate arrangements are not made to replace the small, dated, yet to be built arena planned for the Hill this coming year. The Pens claim they can't be expected to survive in the future's National Hockey League without a new new home.

What I Did On My SSummer Vacation


Old photos of Nazi SS officers have always had a funny way of saying, "Insane? We'll show you insane." An absurd formality attending the most despicable acts of human cruelty -- both cause and effect of what Hannah Arendt famously labeled "the banality of evil." "Just doing my job," as it were.

Hey, but what did these German dirtballs do when they weren't trying to wipe out a whole race of people? Sit around, according to a recently exhibited album of Auschwitz photographs, downing bowls of blueberries and listening to crap music. Sounds like a blast.

The US Holocaust Memorial Museum has an online collection depicting the officers in repose alongside the existing photos of German atrocities at the camp. The juxtaposition is, lightly speaking, pretty fucking sickening.

Jimmy Lee Tayse coverage (Photo)


The trial of Johnstown native Jimmy Lee Tayse began yesterday. You may remember Tayse as the degenerate who abducted and raped a woman from the Waterworks parking lot the day before Easter. The Akron Beacon Journal covers the first day of testimony [PG story].

Stop Whining, You're Still Alive

I know it's a bit early for Thanksgiving, but the next time you're feeling like you got the short end of the stick, or life is unfair, remember Randy Pausch. He's a local, a CMU professor, who will soon die from cancer, who spent his last days teaching and smiling.

PS: CMU grad and WSJ writer Jeff Zaslow (he got his start at The Tartan) wrote a stirring piece about the last lecture. Check it out here.

Comment of the Day


From Politico:

""Vice President [Dick] Cheney came up to see the Republicans yesterday. You can always tell when the Republicans are getting restless, because the Vice President’s motorcade pulls into the Capitol, and Darth Vader emerges," Hillary Clinton said at a $100-a-head fundraiser at town hall near New York's Times Square, referring to Cheney's efforts shore up Republican congressional support for the Iraq war.

Reader "Dan" was the first to say it: "I find her lack of faith..... disturbing"

Nice.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

On Getting Your Ass Beat

by guest blogger and deceased US senator, Charles Sumner (R-Mass.)


Greetings from Hell! It is with prodigal enthusiasm and swollen alacrity that I write this today, dear reader.

It has come to my attention that a student from one of your lesser universities (a CSA college, doubtless) was recently thrown to the ground, roughly treated, then made to suffer a humiliating electro-zap or three from a constable's tiny lightning moto-pistol. By the dandy jowls of James Buchanan, that must have made for quite a smart! The motion-daguerreotype images alone made me skulk under my desk!

Mr. Andrew Meyer, as someone who has endured his share of politically motivated violence, let me assure you that this act of physical roughery is not as bad as it seems. Why, look at me: Before my vicious caning I was a mere radical Republican abolitionist, a political footnote. Now I am legendary; my story is re-told in countless high-school history texts and James McPherson books of dubious scholarship. In fact, Mr. Meyer, even as I was expectorating my own tongue, Congressman Brooks' heavy cane finding its fleshy target again and again, I thought to myself, Truly, this is what they will remember me for. Then I passed out.

Now you, too, belong to the ages. Mr. Meyer, from one crippled, blood-sodden thrashing victim to another, I say to you sir: Huzzah!

Now Newseum, Now You Don't

Go burn a newspaper right now. It's okay, we'll wait.

Folks, the DN has some potentially terrifying news: the Newseum, the first museum devoted exclusively to journalism and journalists, will not be opening the doors to its new Pennslyvania Avenue location on schedule. Yeah, you read that correctly: the Washington Times reports that the original mid-October grand re-opening has been postponed until the first quarter of 2008. That's like many months from now!

The DN had planned to take a road trip to the Newseum's ribbon-cutting -- you know, check out the couch where Ben Bradlee sexually harassed his female employees, get a gander at Anna Marie Cox's original support bra, touch one of the hundred or so typewriter-bound monkeys that writes Bob Herbert's column every week: we were gonna see everything.

But now that dream is dead. So, like the good Americans we are, the Darn News has found someone to blame for the Newseum's Brownie-like fuck-up. His name's Max Page. He's the vice president and deputy director. Plus, he's overweight, which automatically makes him evil. Thanks for blowing our museum visit, fatso. A man with that much neck jelly shouldn't even be in charge of a jigsaw puzzle. And your name is "Page," too. What the fuck is that?! [*Smack!*] That's for making us care about you.

See you in '08!

Praise Be To Our Municipal Beer, Ye Olde Iron City

Does everyone at the Darn News know the story of Iron City beer? Well, the saga may not be over, but it's time for a new chapter of incompetence and crappy beer.

In 2005, the company sought bankruptcy protection, after it became clear that the city really, really wanted them to pay their $2.5 million water bill. Essentially, the company had been arguing that they were a corporate Jesus and "a substantial portion of the water became beer so the standard ratio of water to sewage used to calculate service charges did not apply." Well, amen! Until the city shuts off your water, the beer stops flowing, and you have to lay off a bunch of angry union workers. Time for a new plan.

Well, as of today, Iron City is owned by (hopefully) more rational people and the company will pay for some of the water.

The last questions are

1) How will that affect the taste of the beer? Will it still be piss in an aluminum bottle?

2) Will there continue to be a bankruptcy filing at IC every 10 years.

3) Will the new management take down their god awful MySpace page? C'mon clueless executive suits! It's a Facebook world out there.

More Evidence that Fred's Dead


Fred Thompson's campaign is off to an abysmal beginning. Political pundit Dick Morris savagely narrates Thompson's missteps in today's edition of RCP. America hasn't witnessed an over-hyped re-emergence flop like this since, well last week.
If Uncle Fred isn't ready for primetime then perhaps America is ready for Hillary Clinton. The Daily Show's Samantha Bee does her best Carrie Bradshaw impression and asks all the right questions in finding out whether America is ready for a woman president.

525,600 Minutes, less 960.

Pittsburgh commuters burn 16 hours of their annual allotted existence stuck in traffic. You might think that crawling dahn Route 51 with all the other drones, spending your QT with Jim & Randy (as opposed to QT with your wife, children, afternoon tryst with smack & Jack) is a cursed waste of time. Well, according to the Texas Transportation Institute, you should salute gray Pittsburgh while you sit at 51 and 88. Relative to other tahns, Pittsburghers got it good. Afterall, as the good people of Wexford will attest, 16 log-jammed hours on I-279 is a small price to pay to insulate your vanilla life from the inner-city blacks.

So why is our commute so great? Since 2000, Allegheny County has lost 60k potential commuters, while continually expanding a huge highway system that flings the urban footprint further afield. Trying to figure out why our bridges are collapsing, why the bus is late, and why our taxes are higher? Well, there's more infrastructure, and fewer of us to pay for it. An economist might even venture the phrase 'unsustainable,' but that just smacks of arrogance.

I toast our efficient traffic systems. Congestion will fall relative to population decline and ravenous expansion of highway and house in the hinterlands. I toast our future, a day when I-279 will be 13 lanes wide with a busway up the middle, and the last 12,500 Pittsburghers will have a 5 minute commute from Wexford. In short, I toast our tomorrow, which is today's Detroit.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Still Holding Out For the 'Dodd Girl,' America ...

Hey, you like crap, right? Well, the molecularly talented peeps behind the "Obama Girl" series of quasi-ads have struck again, presumably with something pro-military. NB: This video may appeal to civilians who enjoy masturbation as well. Au revoir, dignity!

Monday, September 17, 2007

Mike Veon, Bait the Gator



Mike Veon, pinstriped principal of Mike Veon & Associates, proved that a radioactive political persona can still glow in the dark recesses of Pennsylvania Politics. According to today's PG, Mike Veon & Associates has racked up an extensive list of unscrupulous clients. Those looking to wade into the Harrisburg Bayou would rather go in as the gator's guest.

Sez Mike Veon, "If you ain't a Gator, ya must be Gator Bait."

If you ever doubted assertations that Veon's Harrisburg doesn't work in the public interest, consider the fact his clients include the Allegheny County Airport Authority. Apparently, even government needs an interlocutor in Harrisburg. It's like Jesus ringing Pope Benedict to intercede on his behalf.

All of this serves as proof of the enduring double-team of Veon and DeWeese. Old-school Dem's in an old-school partnership of Pay to Play. Dumping DeWeese in the next election might just break the levee in Harrisburg, and drain that fetid swamp.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Coffee wench speaks out, dashes hopes of every male customer


Pittsburgh Craigslist,

You have a delicious sense of humor. Jessica at the Coffee Tree Roasters [not pictured at left] will only be serving coffee to her male customers.

Missed connection:
o Jessica, Manager of the Coffee Tree Roasters on Forbes Avenue in Squirrel Hill: You are sooooo BEAUTIFUL ... I melt everytime I see you. I need to know more about you and whether you're ever available after store hours for some fun... I look forward to hearing back from you. Either respond with a reply to this Craigslist ad or give me some sort of signal tomorrow morning when I place my order ...


Response [abbreviated]: For the record, not all CTR employees are single. Many of us have lives on the other side of the counter as well. It's just a job. It pays the bills (Bills?) and is not actually a dating service for us to find our dream hubby.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Friday Porn: MILF Kate McCann, Dressed to Kill (Photo)



The Brits are aghast that another adorable, blonde-haired, white girl has gone missing. Nancy Grace must be apoplectic. Kate McCann might not win "Mother of the Year" for drugging her little girl Madeline and co-opting her hubby into dumping the body, but she's certainly a candidate for the far-from-prestigious DN MILF of the Moment.

Congratulations, Miss Murder! The boys of the Dee-N will party with you anytime. Just keep your hands away from our cocktail glasses.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Casey At the Bowl





Does peeing on yourself really toughen up the skin?


Subliterate baseball players swear by golden showers for their hands. Are they right? Science submits they are not.

Nation Swoons, Monkey Intends To Eat Pigeon at Later Date


AWWWWWWW!

The Pink and Gold Mafia: More female football fans in Pittsburgh than other city


34 percent of Pittsburgh-area women identify themselves as football fans, more than twice the national NFL-city average. Yunz gonna eat that?

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Rummy Chummy With Men's Mag Honey

Former SecDef and current national disgrace Donald H. Rumsfeld had some free time recently -- what with being politically radioactive after authoring the greatest military blunder since Gallipoli -- so he sat down for an interview with GQ's Lisa DePaulo.

GQ, the only heterosexual men's magazine edited exclusively by homosexuals, must've enjoyed DePaulo's previous work with NBA whores so much that it put her together with the military-industrial version. Say hi to Herbert Hoover, Emperor Nero, and the Polish army for me at world history's indelible blooper reel, Citizen Rumsfeld!

Read whole thing here.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Code Stink Protests General "Betrayus"

Cindy Sheehan and the Code Stink crowd interrupted General David Petraeus' testimony in front of the House Armed Services Committee. Here's the video of a woman wearing a cape being escorted from the chamber by Capitol Police.



Allow me to paraphrase Government Issue: I like my politics hysterical and goaded along by bullhorn-toting co-eds bull-dyke lesbians menopausal spinster aunts.

Kudos to the brilliant PR crew at MoveOn.org, whose advertisement in yesterday's NYT questioning the integrity of the well-liked Petraeus allowed the Republicans to go on the war offensive.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Britney: Oops, I Ate the Whole Thing


Britney Spears gazed vacuously performed last weekend at the MTV Video Music Awards show. Looks like she's put on a few pounds.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

John Edwards says "John Edwards" is most electable Dem




Former Senator Hair-do John Edwards was in Pittsburgh yesterday to receive the kiss of death endorsement from the Steelworkers' and Miners' Unions [Trib story]. This should propel Edwards to win the Pennsylvania primary, held strategically in May, well after the nominee has already been chosen by the rest of the country.

Recently, I've been hearing many Dem pundits cite Edwards' electability as a key reason for Dems to nominate him.

"Electability is the key issue," maintained [Edwards' campaign manager David Bonoir]. "The mine workers and the steel workers are sophisticated enough to look at the numbers in terms of who is the strongest candidate in the general election."

And no less an authority than Edwards himself believes he's palpable to the general public.

"John Edwards is the candidate for president who can campaign and win in Pennsylvania, in Ohio, in West Virginia, in Kentucky, in all the places in America where we have to be able to compete and win to win this election," Mr. Edwards said, eagerly echoing their analysis.


Did Edwards actually refer to himself in the third-person?

Dems are sadly mistaken if they believe a trial lawyer-cum-populist is electable in Appalachia. They made the same mistake in 2004 by nominating a patrician New Englander.
A millionaire hypocrite like Edwards promising to raise taxes will not wash with independents. Congratulations, President Romney!