Thursday, August 30, 2007

Anglicans Hate Gays; Find Future in Kenya.

Proclaiming the future at hand, two Anglican prelates went to Nairobi, Kenya to see how people rocking the 21st century Bronze Age rock with Christ. Standing before an altar of pig femurs thatched together with the sinews of a ceremonially sacrificed ox, American Bishop William Murdoch's voice was as outsized as his 4th century papal hat and cape in the Byzantine settings of the Kenyan Cathedral.

"The Church of Kenya proclaims the true word of God in the modern world, and we join our Kenyan brothers in this fight against Homosexuality, the greatest challenge facing God's People," said Bishop William Murdoch in receiving his charge. The congregation wailed in response; though it remains unknown whether cries were of support or due to the rapacious spread of leprosy, AIDS, typhoid, poverty, cholera, over-population, a stagnant economy, fetid water or intermittent warfare that plague Kenya. "The Lord loves all of us, but is pained by our inner evil. When the night finds us soaked in cold sweat, dreaming about the tender, supple rump of a certain 20-something athletic neighbor that jogs past the parsonage every morning at 7:41 sharp, I say to you, truly, this is the work of Satan. Men of Christ, Fuck only Your Wife. Thus sayeth the Lord."

After the ceremony, Bishop Murdoch led a procession of arm (and stump) waving throngs through the winding streets of Nairobi. The faithful scrambled to lay palms over the cratered streets, pushing bullet-pocked cars and rotted corpses from the path of the new Bishop's feet. Basking in the Honor of his new charge and rich reception by the City's faithful, Murdoch thanked the Church of Kenya. "Here in God's City, we have seen the future," proclaimed Murdoch. "Here in the Holy City of Nairobi, is born the future American Church!"

5 comments:

The Great Hive said...

Amen!

Steve said...

That's right, because if you don't agree with homosexuality, you must be a bigot! ..and voted for George Bush..

The Great Hive said...

I'm glad we're on the same page. Agree with homosexuality rofl, like it's some abstract theory.

My conclusion: you're an idiot. I won't be responding to your comments anymore.

Highland Ave. said...

Steve, you show an uncanny knack for missing the point nearly every single time. If you see everything through the same tired Democrat v. Republican lenses, you need to get new glasses.

Or at least stop listening to Quinn.

Steve said...

I see this for what it is.. your attempts to categorize anything but complicit agreement as "hate". The irony is fantastic..you accuse "the Right Wing" for doing the same exact thing you illustrate time and time again in your posts.

I don't agree with the lifestyle, it doesn't mean I must hate you. There is a clear difference.