Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Washington Post news desk takes assignment from horny, blogging toadies

The Washington Post has caught on to the phenomenon that is Allison Stokke, the California pole-vaulting babe and darling of the blogosphere.
The WaPo, which chose a less provocative photo of Allison talks with Allison and her parents about what it feels like to be oggled by every 20-something male blog reader. No one really knows the real Allison, the champion pole-vaulter, straight-A student, and normal 18-year old.
Que, sera sera. You're my junkies and here is your crank.

All Volunteer Council

Few need convincing Jim Motznik is a retard. Perhaps the fact he is in good company on City Council is likewise old news. But this morning I remind you, gentle reader, of just how bad it can get.

Motznik's two week movement for feline civil rights has finally gained traction. Slamming the door on the feline equivalent of Bergen-Belsen, Motz promises to save cats from needless execution through registration. Motz' reasoning: Registration is what we offer our canine friends, its only fair. If anyone was wondering what this Sesame Street Case Study in fairness cost taxpayers... Motz + Staff = $8k a month. Multiply by nine; Council's deliberations on this issue have thus far cost about $72k. What do you think, Pittsburgh... a ferile free world, or another cop on the street? We report, you decide.

An equally inane bill goes before an equally inane body this week, as a Philly legislator weighs in on heavy truck traffic. To ensure passage of his bill, he has attached it to a critical piece of legislation renaming the 31st Street Bridge as the "Shirley Jones" bridge, in recognition of local celeb Shirley Jones. Try to vote against that, Democrats... It's hard to judge what action like this costs taxpayers because our opague state government refuses to let such stat's out, but I bet we could get at least 2 cops for this one...

Its a bit premature to start a write-in campaign, but what the hell. Hillary's been running for president since 2002. So here's my pitch: all volunteer City and State legislators. Write in 'Volunteer' for City Council, State Rep and State Senate in the general election this November. We will accomplish nothing, but its better than writing in Snoopy.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Welcome Drudge Report Listeners

You're about to experience an awakening, serfs. This is news. This is the Darn News.

A Drudge Report listener plugged the DN on Sunday night. If you are not listening to America's worst radio show then you don't know what you're missing.

You're welcome, Roger Ailes.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Slow news day at the Post-Gazette?

The PG's Joe Grata goes ga-ga over Jim Roddey's felonious indiscretion

Roddey was Port Authority chairman, during which time he was permitted to travel the East Busway in his own vehicle. When he left PAT in 1987, Roddey says the Authority told him the pass was "lifetime courtesy."

Who friggin' cares. The governor wants to lease sell the Turnpike, but Grata's getting his rocks off on the goodies of a retired public official. Good grief.

Reminds me of this little controversy in the old New York Sun.

Speaking of the Turnpike, I'm still waiting for the Trib or PG to actually investigate what the sale of the Turnpike would mean to travellers, voters, and government. These quote-dumps are superficial.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Look mommy, a Jesus Horse!

From Daingerous:
That's "dinosaurs" to us godless cosmopolitans. Read the NYT trash this ridiculous museum, located in Broccoli Fart, Kentucky.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Steelers assistant coach forwards pornographic email to NFL GMs

Steelers offensive line coach Larry Zierlein unintentionally forwarded a pornographic email to every general manager, and the NFL commissioner Roger Goodell yesterday. Zierlein, 61, received the message from Steelers pro personnel coordinator Doug Waitley.

Your intrepid reporters actually obtained a copy of the email and have posted it here.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Friday Porn: Bubbleheaded Bleach Blondes N'at (AKA Why I Love Becky Emmers)

Preamble from Daingerous (Gov't Issue):
The Internets is a demanding subject, approachable only to the select few. And by few I mean chicks. And by select I mean blond. When were moderately attractive women endowed with the authority to speak ex cathedra on every subject, earthly or otherwise? You're a piece of arm candy, lady, not a yogi. I blame Fox News; they've completely destroyed the notion that you can present the news to adults without tawdry window dressing. Eh, who am I kidding? I'd much rather watch a discussion about Afghan education development when it's moderated by somebody who looks like a porn star with a RAND Corp. white paper committed to memory.

The Internets just became a little more manageable thanks to Ashley and Becky Emmers, co-vixens of Links N'@, a new segment on WTAE. According to Tiger Paws, the yearbook at North Allegheny High School, these two veteran newswomen were voted 'Most Likely to Sleep with a Boss to Get Ahead.'

Just kidding, ladies.

In their second installment of Links N'@, Becky Emmers and Ashley introduce the viewer to:

1. Site of the Day: urbandictionary.com. It's a compendium of cultural argot. Fo shizle, my nizle.

2. Video of a turtle attacking a housecat. The story retold by one of the newsbabes:
"This giant beast of a tortoise is defending its territory and will stop at literally nothing to attack this poor cat that's trying to enjoy a little sunshine."

3. There's pictures of hot chicks at Maxim. No kidding.

4. American Idol is still on the air.

Keep up the vapid work, Paris and Nicole! One day there may be a spot for you at CNN.

Christopher Hitchens pokes Falwell's rotting corpse with His Verbose Stick of Vengance

From Daingerous:
This is the most scalding piece Hitchens has ever written. Truly monstrous. First sentence: "The discovery of the carcass of Jerry Falwell on the floor of an obscure office in Virginia has almost zero significance, except perhaps for two categories of the species labeled 'credulous idiot.' "

Read about where bad guys go when they die:

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Hitchy dances on Falwell's grave

Daingerous sends us this video of Christopher Hitchens on the death of Jerry Falwell:
Funny, because I was expecting a glowing encomium. Check it out, heathens.

Some memorable quotes from The Hitch:
People like that should be out in the street, shouting and hollering with a cardboard sign and selling pencils from a cup.
How dare they raise money from credulous people on their huckster-like (UNINTELLIGIBLE) radio stations, and fly around in private jets, as he did, giggling and sniggering all the time at what he was getting away with?

Hitchy condemns Falwell for anti-semitism and encouraging fanaticism in the Middle East.
"...Encouraging the most extreme theocratic fanatics and maniacs on the West Bank and in Gaza not to give an inch of what he thought was Holy Land to the people who already lived there, undercutting and ruining every democratic secularist in the Jewish state in the name of God."

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Rendell doesn't get it: voters want property tax reform

Voters overwhelmingly rejected Rendell's tax shuffle last night. In most western PA school districts, opposition to a proposal that would increase income taxes in exchange for a reduction of property taxes ran between 2:1

From the PG:
Gov. Ed Rendell had pushed hard for the referenda. His spokesman, Chuck Erdo, said, "The governor doesn't believe that the defeat of the local tax shifting question is an indication of anything other than confusion."

He added, "Many voters didn't have the information they needed to make a good choice."

Sour grapes, Chuck. The voters weren't confused or uninformed. They rejected this non-started because it:
* did not reform education funding
* exposed the populace to a higher tax burden in the future (growth of income outpaces property )

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Quotes to laugh at

There are cheaters in the 'sport' of fishing?
Missouri fisherman's cheating charge makes him an outcast
"What he did, he did to every fisherman. It's like a brotherhood," said Skeeter Law, owner of the boat shop frequented by [Gary Lee] Jones. "He's done lost any kind of trust that he had."

From Mayor Opie's temporary spokesperson:

[PITTSBURGH] In regards to Pittsburgh receiving ample Security Grant funding by the Department of Homeland Security, Mayor Ravenstahl said the following:

“As America’s second largest inland port, security is detrimental to ensuring the recreational and economic vitality of our City. This grant will include funding for port security cameras in order to track all suspicious boating activity on our rivers, putting the safety of our citizens first.”

Contact: Joanna Doven, 412-255-2694 [Hat tip: Burgh Report]

Monday, May 14, 2007

I Wonked All Over Myself

The DN is too heavy today. All this wonking will make a boy go blind. Here's a picture of an 18-year old [read legal] pole-vaulter from Cali. Allison Stokke has the blogs all a titter. You're welcome, Dig. Men are pigs.

Voluntary Pollution Controls

Good stuff for you from the NY Times. Bush holds press conference to talk about regulating pollutants. Tony Snow sez that a systematic approach (read: stall and delay) should be taken. Moreover, it should be voluntary.

''The market-based approach seems to work,'' Snow said. ''The question is: do you try to set up a mandatory system or do you try to set up an innovation-based system. The president prefers innovation.''

I like that... good word 'Innovation,' bad word 'MANDATORY.' Please see attached pix of Reliant Energy's innovative approach to pollution control in Elrama PA.

DeSantis v. Opie

Mark DeSantis, heretofore unknown outside of political circles, is taking on Opie. Citing Progressive Peduto's Preemptive Pull-Out as a prime opportunity for the city's GOP, DeSantis is counting on the 400 Republicans left in the city to write him in.

Wonder who the Trib will endorse.

The GOP is talking bullish about the election. Joe Weinroth threw his considerable political heft behind DeSantis, as has GOP darling Jim Roddey. But with only 1 day to go, announcing one's intent to run in Monday Morning's PG seems a bit amateur.

Mayor Opie, up $650k in campaign funds and riding the corpse of Bobby O' like the crypt keeper, probably gonna win this one inspite of his lack of ability, experience, etc... But what the hell, NYC Republicans have held the Mayor's office in the cradle of the New Deal for the past 10 years. If such a bulwark of brain-dead liberalism could fall, why not our bulwark of brain-dead... er, just brain-dead. Nothing better to reinvigorate the hackneyed, corrupt city Dem's in the than a significant loss to the GOP.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Sid Bream = Borat

Smittblog has nominated former Pirates-Braves first baseman Sid Bream to the All-Mediocre Team , a collection of baseball "athletes" who managed to start for five seasons despite no extraordinary skills or results.
This got me thinking...

Friday Porn: Yunzer Skanks

There's only two ways to kill time at your job: play games and look at pictures of hot chicks. Maxim Online is sponsoring a local hotties contest. Here are your Pittsburgh babes: Natalie and Carrie from Greensburg and Monroeville, respectively.

For fear of girlfriend reprisal, I'll say nothing more about Natalie and Carrie.

[Hat tip to DVE Morning Show, creator of the Hot Moms Contest]

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

He's not heavy, he's my husband!

Once secret lovers, now husband and wife.
Kristin Georgi and Joe Hardy. [photo from Post-Gazette]

Monday, May 07, 2007

Pennsylvania school districts look to raise income taxes, lower property taxes

This primary election, school boards will ask voters to approve a referendum that will increase income taxes and decrease property taxes.

This tradeoff will benefit senior homeowners and place an even greater tax burden on wealthy renters. The Trib has the story today.

This referendum is a veiled tax increase and the DN urges you to oppose it. It fails to address the inherent structural problem with public education - using local property values to raise monies. It continues to divide the haves and the have-nots.

And in other news, Joe Hardy married Kristin Georgi. [AP]

Friday, May 04, 2007

Where Have All the Grownups Gone?

Otto Von Bismarck created the German state through unilateral action. He invaded enemies, he invaded friends. Lacking provocation, he lied, cheated, slandered and screamed his way into war. Rather than resting on the reliable contingency of Prussian strength, Bismarck won every battle through thorough planning and an historically unparalleled ability to exploit domestic and foreign politics. Consider Bismarck the polar opposite of W's merry band of half-cocked flunkies; who relied solely on an unquantified concept of American power to get them to some extravagantly planned Photo Op's.

Today, David Ignatius tried to digest Herman Kahn in his column about a multi-polar world. America is on an inevitable decline. Read:
American power alone is demonstrably unable to achieve world order; we can't even maintain the peace in Baghdad... I listened to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad say during a news conference in Tehran last year that the post-1945 world order was ending. All of its institutions, starting with the United Nations, were becoming irrelevant, he argued. A new world would be shaped by rising powers that would create new rules of the international game. At the time, I thought it was more of Ahmadinejad's crazy rhetoric. But I suspect that this vision of a world in transition may be correct: We're all multilateralists now, but we inhabit a world that makes the Cold War seem like the good old days.
So I don't get it, Dave. Do we cozy up with the Russians and the new Muslim Caliphate, or do we bury our collective head in the sand and hope no one notices us. I mean, an illiterate jackass leads a half-awake America into a half-cocked war on the grounds that we're All Gonna Fuckin Die, and all of a sudden Pax Americana e Morte? Baghdad doesn't have a Starbucks yet?!? This war is O-V-E-R!

I'm not advocating some blind stay the course strategy, but 'You Lied, I'm taking my toys and going home,' doesn't even constitute a strategy. Ignatius' 'Multi-Polar Heaven' is a nice starting point, but I'm not counting Iran and Russia as an equal. In this vacuum of substance, where Pelosi and Clinton offer up the fast-food policy ('Timetable/Benchmark/Whatever You Wanna Hear America!'), trite is the rule. Afterall, John McCain's grounded vision (Blood, pain, expense, shit) just doesn't have enough High Fructose Corn Syrup to go down as well. Hopefully, by November '08, America remembers it is the Richest, most Powerful nation on earth. Maybe when the grownups come home, we'll get a little more Bismarck, and a little less fluff.

Goin Dahn Arahn Tahn

Newspaper stories have character. Even in a banal, quotidian story, there's bound to be some piece of minituae that will elicit a chuckle.
In a follow-up story about the peculiar murder of a gentlemanly 86-year old retiree, we learned that Edward "Mr. Jimmy" Loggins worked until he was 81 for US Steel as a "receptionist and bartender" in 61st floor executive offices.

A little insight about the behavior of fat-cat industrialists. Drinking their fancy Scotch and smoking fine cigars...

Read about how Mr. Loggins spent his golden years.

The Trib has a good story about campaign contributions and public subsidies.
Last summer, father-and-son developers Jack and Lucas Piatt asked Gov. Ed Rendell for $18 million to help redevelop Downtown's Fifth-Forbes corridor. In September, Jack Piatt, an active Rendell contributor, gave $106,000 to the governor's re-election campaign. Within a month, Rendell, who raised more than $30 million during the race, announced the state would commit $7 million to Piatt's project.

That's not a quid pro quo. I can't even fathom why someone would suggest the governor makes favorable decisions on behalf of his donors!

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Joe Hardy's Anna Nicole: Kristin Georgi

The super-sleuths at Darnnews.com are were working to locate a picture of Kristin Georgi, alphamegamiac and future wife of coxcomb Joe Hardy. Patience has paid off. The Trib found one.

Enjoy her brother's myspace page. I'm rich, bitch!

Goin Dahn Arahn Tahn

The Korean Central Church of Pittsburgh (located on Aiken Avenue in Shadyside) will hold their 12th annual food festival Saturday from 10:30 to 4 PM. Steamed dumplings, bibimbahp, and barbecued beef.

The British Mail "reported" that BP chief executive John Browne is gay. He resigned on Tuesday.

Readers of the user-edited news site, digg.com were pissed off that the site owners removed entries that shared the code needed to hack HD-DVD copy protection. Digg.com owners are now siding with readers. No comment from the Advanced Access Content System – a consortium of computer and entertainment companies, which includes Intel, IBM, Disney, and Microsoft.

Michael Chabon, author of Mysteries of Pittsburgh and Wonderboys, has a new book out. Jews failed in Palestine, so they started a Zionist homeland in Alaska. Based on 1940s detective noir.

A recent buyer of a 145-yard long cyclorama depicting the battle of Gettysburg expects to sell it for $10 million.
The cyclorama is one of four created by French military artist Philippe Philippoteaux and a team of artists in the 1880s. Two are believed lost, and the fourth has been on display at the Gettysburg National Military Park in Pennsylvania but is being restored.

The Rivers of Steel Heritage Group will conduct Saturday tours of the Carrie Furnace in Rankin for $25 this summer.

Remember the Pennsylvania Utilities Commission advertisements that would show a fella entering Heaven? Peter would hand the fella a room key, meal ticket, and the name of his electricity supplier.
"Don't I get to choose my electricity provider," asked our friend.
"Where do you think you are," replied Peter. "Pennsylvania?"
Turns out deregulation might not be such a good thing for manufacturers like Allegheny Ludlum.

A story about an accused rapist and his victim attending the same high school. Awkward. I support newspapers that won't divulge the name of the victim, but I'm dismayed that the PG chose to print the name of the accused, who is a high school senior.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Goin Dahn Arahn Tahn

I've been remiss in posting, dear readers.

Some quick advice on roasting a turkey. 1. Brine your bird (for at least six hours). Use an oven bag. When finished, lift the bagged bird above a pot, cut the bag, and let the drippings out. You can now easily make your gravy.

2. To reheat your turkey, use a stovetop steamer. The turkey will be juicy.

The 84-year old, 84 Lumber baron Joe Hardy is marrying a 22-year old hairdresser. I wonder if his bride-to-be, Kristin Georgi, will be holding a lingerie bachelorette party.

[photo credit: Christopher Horner, Trib]