Friday, January 05, 2007

Our Daily Bread: Rehnquist addicted to drugs, explains his dilated pupils and gavel-fondling; Mark Madden, Pens fans rally to keep both in Pittsburgh

FBI: Rehnquist withdrew from painkillers
The American citizenry has learned that former Chief Justice William Rehnquist was once addicted to Placidyl, a painkiller so powerful it was once used by police sharpshooters to tranquilize Sienna Miller. If a statesman like Rehnquist can be a drug addict, what hope do the rest of us have?

Mark Madden fans organize rally to keep blowhard in Pittsburgh
Pens fans will also rally
Friends of Mark Madden (FOMM) have organized a grassroots rally at the Civic (Mellon) Arena this Sunday at 3 PM to keep Mr. Madden in Pittsburgh. ESPN radio 1250 talk show host Mark Madden has threatened to leave for Kansas City if state and local governments do not build a new arena that can hold his corpulent vessel. Proud M'fers unite! Joining FOMM and M'fer's prior to the game against Tampa Bay that night will be Penguin fans, who will be rallying to keep their team from leaving for Kansas City, too. After meeting with Fast Eddie, Mayor Opie, and Dan Onorato (he really needs a perjorative nickname) Mario said he was 'optimistic' that the team could work out a plan for a new arena.

Goodbye Pittsburgh, Hello Raleigh!
Cowher Power, Rooneys think of buying a hybrid - 50% run, 50% pass?
The Chin will depart tomorrow; the rest of his head and body should arrive by next Tuesday. Today, Steelers Nation is bemoaning the retirement of Bill Cowher but is thankful for the merciful end of awful chin/body jokes. Like the dear editor of Carbolic Smoke Blog, I - Capitolman - will sorely miss the DVE Morning Show skit "Gladiators."

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