Good morning! May I have a moment of your time? I'd like to talk to you about the Middle East. Wait! Please don't walk away. I want to tell you about a unique investment opportunity available to you in Iraq. Bear with me -- I'm talking about that "other Iraq." You look like a man of taste and sophistication who likes to make money. You are? Tremendous. There's a place called Kurdistan where an investor, nay, a partner in freedom like yourself, can make all the money that the new and improved Iraq has to offer, which is a lot, by the way.
You see, while those Sunnis and Shiites were systematically dismantling any hope of democratic goverance brick by blood-slicked brick, the Kurdish people were building a whole country! A better country! With oil! And no reprisal killings. I should mention the other Iraq has very few of those, sir. Kurdistan instead offers safe streets, religious tolerance, and sweet, sweet autonomy. But no freedom of speech -- our bad. Journalists create dissension by questioning those in power, which undermines a government's legitimacy and is bad for business. So you see? No biggie.
The other Iraq wants you. We're calling you: Ring, ring. You gonna answer that or shall I? Because it's opportunity. Forget about "Iraq." You fought for the other Iraq. You shed blood and wasted billions of dollars for the privilege of occupying a Balkanized set piece. Now it's time to sit back and enjoy the spoils. These are, after all, the best years of your life, America. You've earned it.