Friday, March 24, 2006

The Return of Friday Porn, or "Ugh. Not Him Again."

St. Patrick's Day -- a minor holiday celebrating traditional Irish good cheer like funneling artificially-colored lager and abandoning your group of friends to vomit on a police horse -- has, sadly, come and gone (and left cab fare on the dresser). So what's an uncontrollable belligerent drunk to do for fun now? Drop acid and break into a Go-Kart track? Attend an Arquette family reunion? Get a twentysomething MTV producer to cast you on next season's "Real World"? I say go to spring break. College spring break is after all the only week-long event that can boast of some of this nation's dumbest students and Central America's most immoral street vendors. Plus there's nickel beers and those triple kisses with Sarah Lawrence co-eds, so that's pretty rad. Oh, and skip St. Tropez if you have visible bacne and nipples the size of laser discs. Trust me, they will not let you hear the end of it.

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