Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Flying High: Harrisburg Ethics

"I can fly!"

And with that, Rachel Kozlusky fell to her death from the 23rd story of Harrisburg's only apartment tower... or so her drunken f**kbuddy would have us believe. Kevin Eckenrode, the PA Gaming Board's ethical embarrassment of the week, "...told police he accidentally dropped his girlfriend out a 23rd-story window over the weekend." Much to the joy of screenwriters at the National Ad Council's Marajuana Scare Tactic Commission, Eckenrode was found 23 stories up from the splattered remains of Kozlusky, drunk off his ass with a pot pipe. His "background check" for the gaming board is currently underway: hopefully this will be included in his file.

"...an offer you can't refuse."

Rep. Mike Veon, long associated with slimey Harrisburg politics, offered a job at a casino to Jay Paisley in exchange for Paisley's dropping his electoral challenge for Veon's seat. Veon offered employment at a harness racing track proposed for northern Beaver County, with a salary between $35-$40k.

That $35-$40k a year bribe, "...wasn't vague at all," according to Paisley.

Veon's historic hubris (read: self-destructive stupidity) makes Paisley's accusation completely believeable. Veon's formula is simple: take a dash of "Buy Off My Opponent," throw in a heaping portion of "Direct Connection to Slots Parlor Donor," and you have a big bowl of "I F**ked Myself" stew! Veon's only solace is that he shared the Post Gazette with a story about a guy who claimed to accidentally drop his girl from a high-rise apartment.

Headline: Legislator not as Dumb as Drunk with a Bad Alibi.

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