Thursday, October 13, 2005

Smurfs, 16 Kids, and Johnny's in the Closet

UNICEF launched a new ad campaign aimed at quelling the historically warlike instincts of Belgian. Like any nation wedged between the pacific borders of France and Germany over the last 200 years, Belgium surely needs warned against the maurading nature of mankind. UNICEF's campaign, featuring the effects of warfare on the village of the Smurfs, was doubtless planned to coincide with the 200th anniversary of Waterloo wherein Belgium played its historic role as Playground of the Gods. The Smurf-orrific clip featured a dead Smurfette, and an orphaned baby smurf crying in the mud. Belgians complained that an accurate portrayl would have included mustard gas and goose-stepping SS. Perhaps UNICEF should have run the ad in Saudi Arabia?

From Arkansas, again fertile ground for the smurf ad, newly born Smurf fans abound. An Arkansas woman gave birth to her 16th child on October 13th. Dad, who is apparently thrilled to death to be so overwhelmed with children that none ever receive adequate attention, said he'd like a few more: "We'll take what the Lord gives us." Dad says this not realizing that his 15 yr. old daughter Janna knows a bit about making babies herself, and that her deeply religious twin John David, has spent lots of time in the locker room showers staring hungerly at the same football player Janna blew just two hours previously.

Less fortunate in their sex-capades is this Squirrel Hill burgular, caught in the act as he robbed a Hobart Street apartment building.

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