Friday, August 05, 2005

Brahim Wacks a Birdie on the 7th Hole.

The Post Gazette reported an incident at a Murrysville Golf Course, in which a young man beat a Canadian Goose to death with a golf club. The poorly written story, which repeatedly refers to Canadian Geese and Canada Geese, doesn't assign any blame... as it shouldn't. This Web Log, however, is not known for its mercy.

The story reports that Brahim 'accidentally' ran over the bird, then beat it to death after the goose started to drown in a water hazard. The compassionate club-wielding clod simply wanted to "...put the goose out of its misery." Though I credit the Post Gazette for giving us this bull-shit laden story to fill our office-life day with self-righteous rage, I think they would have done better to report the following:

Jason Brahim, a strapping sporting chap from Murrysville whose weekend activities involve bible study, competitive bocci and shoving lit firecrackers up the asses of chipmunks, ran down a goose on a golf course with his golf cart. When the goose fled for its life into a small pool of water, the golfer-cum-hunter hopped out of his Sport Utility Cart and pummled the damned thing to death with his golf club. All for sport, eh? (I mean really, how the hell does a goose drown?) Fresh from getting his jollies off, Brahim licked the victory blood off of his golf club.

No comments: