Went to Lens Crafters at Century III Mall. My 4 year old glasses saw their last day of use when the scotch tape holding them together gave way at the bar the night before, plunging the hinge-bolt to the bottom of my Beefeaters & Tonic. "I need a new pair of glasses. These are cooked," I said to the Lens Crafter's Sales Representative behind the counter.
"I see that,"the Lens Crafters girl smirks. She's cute, affiable and REALLY PREGNANT. "Do you have a perscription?"
"No. But as I bought them here, you probably have my old perscription on file. Use that."
"Under state law, we aren't allowed to use perscriptions over 2 years old."
Hung over, tired and generally ill-tempered, I wasn't ready to be amicable about this sort of bullshit. No pretty smile, especially a pregnant one, was going to salve the beast within. "I want THESE glasses. You have the perscription for THIS pair of glasses on file. Why in GOD's NAME would I be legally barred from having what I WANT?"
When Billy DeWeese said, "We work so hard, we deserve a raise," perhaps he was referring to the flunky who spent hours drafting a bill to ensure I would be protected from getting the glasses I wanted. His heart, mind and soul were dedicated to preserving my eyesight (read: preserve the profit margins of the members of the American Optometric Association), for which he toiled hours throughout the night writing (read: was given an expensive dinner, accompained by a draft copy of the law written by the AOA's lobbist, which the flunky presented to the House without changing a letter).
Thomas Jefferson suggested that all laws carry an expiration date. This, he argued, would protect against the dangerous legacy of laws simply building up, encumbering freedom with too many laws. America provides optimal freedom and possibility to it's citizenry by defining only what they cannot do, unleasing them to act as creatively as possible unbounded by law. Having too many 'cannots' is obviously bad. Jefferson tosses in his grave as old laws against slave marriages and improper square dancing are regularly resurrected to prosecute gays, drug-dealers and jaywalkers.
As our legislators work harder and harder producing stupid burdensome shit like this, I wonder what will become of a future burdened by laws governing everything from flag placement on condominiums to eyeglass perscriptions.