Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Downs Syndrome

News coming out of Fayette-nam usually focuses on a 40-something man shooting his 17 year old wife over dirty dishes, or two junkies bludgeoning a goat to death and selling its meat for cocaine. Yet, somehow, the grotesque nature of this case takes the cake.

Desperate to bring his team out of a multi-year slump, Mark Downs ramped up his tactics. Desperate times, he reasoned, demand desperate measures, and these were desperate times indeed. Downs' Dawson Wildcats were facing the dreaded Cougars from Leisenring. The Cougars had a daunting 8-1 record, its muscular 8 year olds appearing even more ferocious in their new electric-blue uniforms bought by Big Jims Barbeque Pit and Home Plumbing Service. The Cougars were the Yankees of the Youghiogheny Valley, Downs was constantly reminded by his drinking buddies at Pat's Roadhouse Honky-Tonk Bar. Besides, the Cougars weren't burdened by the presence of a Mongoloid like the Dawson Wildcats, an 8 year old with Autism!

"Why God have you plagued me with this burden. This is T-Ball for God's sakes, not some kinda Jerry's Kids Special Olympics Bullshit!" Downs raged. Faced with no other options, Downs did the logical thing. He paid another 8 year old $25 to pelt the Autistic child in the nuts with a baseball to put him out of the game.

No comments: