Tuesday, June 28, 2005

MIRACLE OF SCIENCE PRODUCES RECOMBINANT SEMI-PERSON

Even though I was promised flying cars in the future, I guess I'll take this visually jarring, next-best alternative. Jesse Sullivan, Tennessee native and human affront to God's divine plan, is the first person in the world to be fitted with bionic arms connected to his nerve endings which can be moved by the man's own thoughts. Now we're talkin' dystopia! On the bright side, Sullivan, who lost both arms in an electrical accident while working as a utility lineman, today can enjoy a better life with the help of his new state-of-the-art limbs. On the negative side, he's now charged with cleaning up the scum of Old Detroit as the future of law enforcement.

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