Saturday, April 30, 2005

Disaster has struck

My laptop crapped out on me. I think the battery is dead. While I could just go buy a new battery, I am hesitant because my laptop is such a piece of crap anyways. It's 2-3 years old by now, and with Moore's law still holding steady, that puts me behind the game. So the temporary remedy has been to resucitate my dusty desktop. As I sit here typing this post on Celanie's Mac, I have a virus scan going on the other machine. The only real problem is using that computer is going to involve me sitting in the uncomfortable red stool that goes with the elevated desk that my PC rests on.

This turn of events gives me even more incentive to see if I can get a laptop issued from work, since I tend to do a lot fo work at home anyways. Otherwise, I guess I'll consider a new laptop or a new battery, or enduring the red chair for a few months until we leave this apartment and I can fix the furniture situation to accomodate the computer situation. I wonder if anyone wants to trade a good laptop for a Chevy Nova? Maybe for a busted laptop and a Nova?

Tonight Celanie and I are likely going to see my guitar teacher in a one-man-show on the CMU campus. He's being a nazi about his music though, as he discontinued the links to most of the songs on his website after he released his cd. Some still exist at http://mywebpages.comcast.net/imjediluke.

Before that though, if Celanie ever gets back from FOTR rehearsal, we willgo to the strip and buy some stuff so I can make a bunch of Tomato sauce. Maybe I can get a nice little side business going whereby I sell the sauce to friends and co-workers. My other business ideas include a .com where people email in their letters and I turn them into real letters on stationary and mail them out, and have various editing/consulting services available, as well as rock band.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

No meaningful posts today

Unless I have some kind of change of heart.

Here's Jim's new band's music:

www.tkwmusic.com

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Must have been busy in reader-ville

I usually have several hits by the time I get to the office each morning, but nobody wanted to read this morning. While it may be a busy morning for you all, let me tell you it's pretty slow for me. I have plans to have lunch with Celanie in half an hour, but until I get the word from above, I don't have any projects to work on.

If nothing has materialized after lunch, I guess I'll go back to hacking up automation for my press monitoring duties. I think I'm going to concentrate less on scraping the websites, and more on parsing all the articles I collect. It seems like a sort of difficult problem to determine the subject of the article, though, so I'm still going to be limited in the automated observations I can make about a media clip. I can count each word and show the most common ones, but that won't be completely effective, so...

And I'm sure that sounds like blah blah blah, so for your entertainment I instead provide a list of songs that I would like to learn and seem within reach, and a list of things that I want.

Songs that I would like to be able to play on command soon:

She Loves You
A Hard Day's Night
Love Me Do
Yoshimi vs. The Pink Robots
Do You Realize
Satisfaction
Rock 'n Roll Music
Uncle John's Band
3 Blues routines that I'm learning


Stuff that I want:

A new laptop
A new apartment
A better acoustic guitar
A black leather belt
My baseballs
Good speakers
Computer speakers for my office
Setting Free the Bears by John Irving
My Name is Charlotte by Tim Wolff
Paul McCartney Tickets
Someone to buy my car

Monday, April 25, 2005

Hear ye, hear ye, friends of Andrew and Celanie

We actually managed to clean up our apartment this weekend, so if you come and visit, you won't be subjected to the normal messy dungeon. On the heels of this miraculous spring cleaning and laundry effort, I feel revitalized -- I also managed to get some of my more laborious duties for work done. Having a nice, productive weekend always leads to a better week I think.

Maybe it was the energy that I felt this weekend that revitalized my interest in writing some fiction. I've started various stories, but I'm never happy enough with the first couple of pages to finish. I really need to take a page out of John Irving's book (pardon the pun) and just hash something out, and revise revise, revise. I was thinking that since my rock star years are a ways off, I should write a story or book about getting there, for inspiration.

Here's my first line. What do you think:

It wasn't the first day Andrew decided he was going to be a rock star, and it wouldn't be the last, but at least this time he had a guitar.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Wouldn't it be cool if...

my whole family had the same music recording software so that we could send project files around the country for additional tracking. To join the revolution, buy Cakewalk Home Studio. Very good software, very intuitive.

Last night I went to my upstairs neighbor's Mexican passover seder, but I think the emphasis was really on the wine. It was only a little blasphemous and we went through many of the prayers, plagues, the four questions, etc. The lamb shank had a stand-in: a paper towel roll with red tape.

Much fun was had by all, in many different ways. For instance, two dudes kept sneaking off to the bathroom together, and that of course can only portend so many activties. We had much fun with the singing and the eating. Celanie eventually arrived from covering some restaurant for her paper, and she got into a ridiculous argument with the nerdiest of Passover celebrants, which I heard about in the morning since I went to bed an hour or so after Celanie got home. The dude likes to carry guns in the legal way (like dad), but also adds insult to injury by embracing most of the right's extreme views. Celanie felt abused, which I'm sure she was. I learned to not talk to that guy too seriously the first time I met him. Can't like everyone I guess.

The rest of the people there were each a bit eccentric, but nothing that rubbed me the wrong way. The guy that brought an iPod and hooked it up to some speakers and provided the music. Isn't that neat.

Time to do a bit of work. Adieu.

Friday, April 22, 2005

As Erin so cruelly pointed out...

I didn't post last night, though I said I was going to. But after making yinz wait, here is a bounty of pictures of my beautiful offices. The offices were designed by the president, Philip Elias.

Also of interest, finger lady blew it.

And here's a quote form an AP article of interest:

And there is action on the Web, too. At one point Thursday, bidding on eBay surpassed $1,175 for "PopeBenedictXVI.com" a Web domain name being peddled by an enterprising soul from Ontario, Canada.

Brilliant!

I'm going to one of these shows:

Paul McCartney North American tour dates

9/16: Miami, American Airlines Arena
9/17: Tampa, FL, St. Pete Times Forum
9/20: Atlanta, Philips Arena
9/22: Philadelphia, Wachovia Center
9/26: Boston, Fleet Center
10/4: New York, Madison Square Garden
10/5: New York, Madison Square Garden
10/8: Washington, D.C., MCI Center
10/10: Toronto, Air Canada Centre
10/14: Detroit, Palace at Auburn Hills
10/18: Chicago, United Center
10/22: Columbus, OH, Value City Arena
10/23: Milwaukee, WI, Bradley Center
10/26: St. Paul, MN, Xcel Energy Center
10/27: Des Moines, IA, Wells Fargo Arena
10/30: Omaha, NB, Qwest Center
11/1: Denver, Pepsi Center
11/3: Seattle, Key Arena
11/4: Portland, OR, Rose Garden
11/7: San Jose, CA, HP Pavilion
11/11: Anaheim, CA, Arrowhead Pond
11/16: Sacramento, CA, Arco Arena
11/19: Houston, Toyota Center
11/20: Dallas, American Airlines Center
11/23: Phoenix, Glendale Arena
11/25: Las Vegas, MGM Grand Garden
11/26: Las Vegas, MGM Grand Garden
11/29: Los Angeles, Staples Center

Make sure you read the cover story of Fortune magazine about Google/MS competition.

And last, but most useful, make sure you set you hotkeys to control your music player without having to bring up the player on screen.

Have a good weekend!

The media room up close. Posted by Hello

The Jedi Meeting room. Posted by Hello

This is the room I like to call the Jedi Meeting room. You see it in the next picture with movies projected on the walls. This room has four projectors and circular seating to facilitate talking about mostly web-stuff. It's very neat, and it's my favorite room. Those wooden polygonal things are cup holders. Posted by Hello

This is a hallway. Those cabinets have office supplies in them. Posted by Hello

This is the entrance. To the right, you see the edge of the reception desk. In the back there is the media viewing room. Posted by Hello

This is the smaller board room. We have staff meetings in the other, larger board room with the white table. Currently under construction is a very trippy mostly glass meeting room. Posted by Hello

This is a little nook where are arrayed various artsy objects and books. Posted by Hello

Thursday, April 21, 2005

This 'n At

Allow me to call your attention to an enthralling article about the modernization of a bastion of corruption.

And this is pretty funny. Go to jail, directly.

But no long-winded rants or witty remarks today. I have too much to do. Check back tonight after about 7:30 or so for an update.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Here's how far I got with my song

Strum it anyway you like, preferably some what quickly.

00000000 00000000 00000000 00000000
11111111 11111111 00000000 00000000
22222222 00000000 00000000 00000000
22222222 22222222 22222222 00000000
00000000 33333333 22222222 22222222
00000000 xxxxxxxx 00000000 33333333

00000000 00000000 00000000 11111111
11111111 11111111 00000000 00000000
22222222 00000000 00000000 00000000
22222222 22222222 22222222 00000000
00000000 33333333 22222222 22222222
00000000 xxxxxxxx 00000000 33333333

00300000 00300000 00000000 00300000
11113111 11113133 00131000 00003100
22222222 00000000 00000000 00000000
22222222 22222222 22222222 00000000
00000000 33333333 22222222 22222222
00000000 xxxxxxxx 00000000 33333333

00300000 00300000 00000000 00300000
11113111 11113133 00131000 00003100
22222222 00000000 00000000 00000000
22222222 22222222 22222222 00000000
00000000 33333333 22222222 22222222
00000000 xxxxxxxx 00000000 33333333

00300000 00300000 00000000 00300000
11113111 11113133 00131000 00003100
22222222 00000000 00000000 00000000
22222222 22222222 22222222 00000000
00000000 33333333 22222222 22222222
00000000 xxxxxxxx 00000000 33333333

Just so you know, Dad...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/music/3769511.stm


He said the song Got To Get You Into My Life was "about pot - although everyone missed it at the time", and Day Tripper was "about acid".

He added it was "pretty obvious" that Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds was inspired by LSD, and other songs made "subtle hints" about narcotics.


----> I think it's interesting that George Martin denies the Lucy refernce to LSD on the anthology DVDs, but here's Paul setting the record straight. And I never knew about the "Got To Get You Into My Life" refernce. I'm definitely going to try and see Paul on his new tour. Damn loing-haired hippies.


Quotation

When I was reading it this morning, I was laughing aloud, but now it just seems quirky. However, I'm going with my gut. Then I need to waddle down the hall and get my coffee and cheerios.

From "Trying to Save Piggy Sneed," a collection of short stories by John Irving, in the story "The Imaginary Girlfriend,"

When I disqualified the heavyweight, his parents came out of the stands and confronted me inthe middle of the mat. I had no trouble recognizing who they were -- they didn't have to introduce themselves. At a glance, I could see they'd swum forth from the same gene pool for enormity that had spawned their son. Cliff saved me.

"If you understand nothing else, you can understand one rule," Cliff told the heavyweight's parents. "It's just one rule and I'm going to tell you once." (I could see he had their attention.) "This is a mat," Cliff said, pointing to where we were standing. "And that," Cliff said -- pointing to the scorer's table where the heavyweight had thrown his opponent -- "that is a goddamn table. In wrestling," Cliff said, "we do it on the mat. That's the rule." The heavyweight's parents shuffled away without a word. Cliff and I were alive in the finals.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Drat!

I meant to post an update to this thing this morning, knowing that web traffic tends to peak at the beginning of the week, and also after facing the wrath of sisters and Celanie, but I was a little busy. Here goes it now, since I'm waiting on the PR head to give me back my documents to make changes.

I've developed a taste for Advertising Age. It's a lot better than the normal trade rags like Supermarket News and VARS Business because it's not on long ad in of itself. Instead, it presents compelling data and an interesting story or two. But then again, maybe people in the VARS business like their publication too.

I also feel like my life is at full-speed right now, since I no longer seem to have the time to do all the things I'd like to do anymore. The things that are suffering right now are the dishes, the laundry, and my guitar practice. And I really should get moving on selling my car, since its just sitting and collecting dust at this point, but that's such a pain in the neck. Hopefully Claudio knows someone who wants it.

I did manage to make it to The Shins concert at CMU on Friday and a ballgame on Sunday. The Shins I liked in concert, but not so much their album. And at the baseball game, the weather was nice, but the food was not very friendly to me, nor were the Cubs friendly to the Pirates.

I started working on a new version of my ACEG song posted below. I cut out most of the strumming of the straight open chords, reversed the Emin and G, and brought up the tempo a bit. I'll have to get a website and start posting clips. Thanks to Uncle Mike for correcting my tab usage. I'll post an updated version of the tab when I get a chance.

Friday, April 15, 2005

My little Celanor

It also can give you a tremendous thirst, judging by the amount of ice water being gulped by his 15-year-old, flush-faced friend Celanie Polanick, who's just dropped out of a line of women that has been snaking all over the room.

Between gasps, the Squirrel Hill teen says she and her mom thought the Bulgarian dancing sounded like a fun new thing to try, and so they came over, took the free lessons before one dance and kept coming back.

"I wish I was Bulgarian," she says.

http://www.post-gazette.com/magazine/19980520bdance3.asp

These are pretty funny

I was rooting around in old copy at work:

Take precautions

International jet setting can be a risky business in today’s complex and troubled world, so why take chances? This certainly seems to be the attitude of many hotels and airlines, no doubt protecting themselves against the potentially litigious customer. Here are a few examples from around the world, brought by our intrepid globetrotters.

§ On a bathroom hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

§ On a shower cap in a box:
Fits One Head.

§ On a packet of instant coffee:
Product will be hot after mixing and heating.

§ On a jar of infant’s liquid medicine (3 to 7 years old):
Do not drive car or operate machinery.

§ On the box of a hotel iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.

§ On a bar of soap:
Directions – Use like regular soap.

§ On a packet of mini-bar peanuts:
Warning – contains nuts.

§ On a tub of mini-bar yoghurt
(Printed on the bottom of the box):
Do not turn upside down.

§ On a Korean hotel knife and fork ringlet:
Warning – Keep out of children.

§ On an American Airlines packet of nuts (in case you thought
they were earplugs.) Instructions – open packet, eat now.

A touch of spring

As I stood on a corner in Squirrel Hill waiting for my bus, I delighted in the crisp morning air. Gazing down a stretch of Beacon Street as it curls down into the park, it almost seemed as if the cars lining the sides of the road faded away, leaving me only with the riotous colors of the blooming trees and shrubs, and a distinct impression of tranquility.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

I defer

Well, cross-checking that last comment against the IP address that logged it, I guess I should defer to the Google employee.

What do I know? Google is so smart you can't screw it up.

Lot's of Google hits recently. I wonder why... har har.

Some guy's rebuttal

But it seems that just searching for "pittsburgh hilton" yields the same result as the +amenities +downtown query.

->But that's just not true. Try for yourself. I think that when you ask the Oracle cryptic questions, it gives you cryptic answers. But if you ask good questions, then Google not only finds the information, it also weights it in the list for you in terms of importance.

Why we have Perl

Because when Microsoft's awful Office package obfuscates how to maintain Excel formatting during a mail merge, you don't want to change a jillion entries by hand. There should be brackets around INFILE in the loop, but HTML gets me. I wonder how I escape brackets.

open (INFILE, "ChangemePerlGods.txt");
open (OUTFILE, ">faxes.txt");

while (INFILE)
{
(my $area,my $three, my $four) = $_ =~ /(\d{3})(\d{3})(\d{4})/;
my $fax = "($area) $three-$four\n";
print OUTFILE $fax;
}
close INFILE;
close OUTFILE;

The Oracle

Since I spend a lot of my day Googling, it's important to know how to
use the tool right. Four things I have found out:

1) Your query can read "Source: Arrivenet.com RosettaNet" and Google
will search only that listed site.

2) Your query can read "Define: EDI" and Google will find you
definitions. This is very useful for looking up lingo, jargon, etc,
and you might as well throw away all your dictionaries on top of that.
You check one dictionary, I'll check 1000.

Note I used quotes above only to set off my queries. You normally
wouldn't use quotes on Google unless you were looking for an exact
phrase. Which brings me to my third tip, in which you would actually
use the quotes as I have typed.

3) Your query can read "+The Beatles" Google will normally ignore
words like The, A, Is, etc. But you can force it if you think this
will make your search more accurate by using a + sign.

4) And finally when searching for something, put yourself in the
poster of the information's shoes. Like when I was searching for
information on hotels, I searched for "Hilton downtown Pittsburgh
amenities." I localized by using "downtown Pittsburgh" and my topic
was "Hilton" and the word "amenities" is hotel jargon. Of course, I'm
no hotel expert, but I was able to optimize my search by looking at
the webpages for lingo when I searched first for "downtown Pittsburgh
Hilton."

I also use Google maps, Google images, Google email, Google shopping
service, and Google news, and I'd take a Google job, but that isn't in
the cards right now.

You know people actually advertise for expert Googlers in job posts
now? And I think that's pretty smart.

Google frequently and with passion. [That's a call to action, by the
way, an imperative statement]

Who knows more about a topic? He who knows how to query the oracle best.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

The New Media

I touched on this topic briefly yesterday, but I'm going to expand a little bit, after my conversation with Grantz and further thought. I think it's fair to say that if news were being purely consumed via a Google news or Factiva like agglomeration, then stories would be significantly different than they are written for print publications.

I envision a journalist writing towards a goal. They think that in hard news cases, there are a certain set of facts that should be revealed, in a particular order, connoting a particular mood. Now, this sort of approach is suspect and people have long talked about this by saying journalists are biased, the Times is leftist, the Post is conservative, etc. But what alternative is there? If you are providing the sole news to a community, or are even one of a couple newspapers, then your news presentation needs to give readers the impression they got the gist of what was actually going on.

Not so anymore. Even if this approach wasn't a mistake before, due to circumstance, it must be for publications that derive a significant chunk of their readership from the Internet. When I read Google news, I read a dozen stories about a particular topic. And then I get a sense of what's going on by comparing what's the same and different about the articles, and considering the bias of each.

News organizations do me a disservice by trying to hide their slant. I want it accentuated, admitted, and embraced. Because in a world where I have a dozen stories to compare, I don't want what is the same in each accentuated by so-called journalistic ethics, I want what is different highlighted. I want the full force of each reporter's thoughts, and I want a common ground to distill that information without having to filter it. When I have a dozen stories, measuring and gathering information is much easier if each source is providing their opinion, and their research, and not reiterating what has been accepted as true by the rest of the media community. More on this tomorrow.

Grantz talked about this in terms of localization, how he wishes a service like Google news would concentrate on articles from publications that were near a story. But give me a break. I could care less about rinky-dink under-funded community papers that sell their stories to the highest bidder.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

It's not a toomah

http://news.independent.co.uk/world/science_technology/story.jsp?story=628587

The count down has begun

The race to see who gets the book is going to be decided today. I don't know if it was my promotion or what, but I had quite a spike in hits recently, but then again it was a lot of next-blogging so that's not very predictable. Here's some comments I got and blogs that surfed here. I skipped the people who post in foreign languages:

From Amerikan Propagandist. Maybe he's connected to the military history blog
I am reading in here. Or out there? I am reading right now. I was "Next Blogging" when I came upon your site. I figured, what the hell....I need to post stuff on other people's blogs and maybe they will check out my blog.I need to spread my propaganda. Check it out!If I am the one-thousandth (or something like that) then I would like you to surprise me. Also, did you really read all of "Infinite Jest" (it's in your favorite books section), that book is like a million pages or something with freaking footnotes in a fiction novel (alright, kinda redundant, sorry).Peace

---->Yes, I read Infinite Jest, twice. It is a very good book. I'm slightly known for buying people copies of that book. Only one guy I was fgriends with read it, but I'm not talking to him right now because he likes to be irresponsible and immature.

From Fillshe, some dude who is very artistic. I respect the desire to have two copies of one book.
http://fillshe.blogspot.com/
i'm blog surfing right now. i haven't done this in months. i typically stick to 2 or 3 that i feel i can manage to find time to read the updates on a semi-daily basis. but i was just wondering what else is on there when i came across yours.should i be so lucky as to be your 1,000 visitor, i'm going to ask you buy this book off amazon called "sex, lies, and cocoa puffs". it's written by some guy who used to write for rolling stones magazine. truth be told, i already own the freaking book (i would have said fucking but then who knows if your family is reading this... also i realize i just wrote fucking but whatever, swear words were meant to be used in times of crisis).so i have the book, but i have yet to read any of it as i am just not motivated to read. but maybe if i had TWO copies, i'd have twice the chance to do so. or twice the desire. or something. wait, who's kidding who?

And some woman names Lani who likes my dad's collection of sex quotes
Those quotes are hilarious!

-----------------

A crazy military blog, but a neat top story about the kid with the rwb bracelet
http://militaryhistory.blogspot.com/

A woman who lives in Alaska, she seems to have a neat job and goes to school there too
http://calamity-jam.blogspot.com/

A fourteen year old girl who probably gets lots of creepy comments from old people
http://dontwishforsnow.blogspot.com/

This person talks about pubs and seem overly analytical of life, must be British
http://mavryx.blogspot.com/

My past state haunts me. Here's Tiffany from Katy, Texas. I wonder if she knows one of my sisters
http://itsthesimplethings.blogspot.com/

So it seems that women from all over the world, of all ages, read my blog. Time to get jealous Celanie! And watch out for any suspicious trips to anchorage.

What I really wanted to talk about today, before I got carried away exploring my readership, is that I think the whole idea of public discourse and the media is rapidly changing with information technology. The blogsphere is one thing making its mark in the world of public messaging, but newspapers are also going to have to adapt, or risk becoming obsolete.

My buddy Brad and I were arguing about various news services and he decried Reuters as biased. My side of the argument is that news services and papers must increasingly embrace their bias and stop trying to cover it up with so-called "journalistic ethics." Let's face it, no one is unbiased. And it becomes a moot issue to try and show an unbiased point of view to people like me who read hundreds of different newspapers via the Internet (particularly Google news). It's easy to spot the bias. It's easy to spot the techniques used to cover it up. And it's easy for me to get a good picture of a story by reading a dozen stories that are vastly different. I believe I learn from what people think, so I hope journalist's will increasingly share their own thoughts.

Monday, April 11, 2005

The Dean got promoted

Finally.

http://www.thetartan.org/news/2005/04/11/murphy

Way to go Grandma!

I guess, once a dirty long-haired hoppie, always a dirty long-haired hippie. It's a little unbelievable that the FDA approved pain-relievers and then subsequently had companies like Merck and Pfizer recall them, after further testing revealed their dangers. However, people all over the world have been testing cannabis for eons, and old people and cancer patients attest it is the only solution to their ills, and noone to date has died of an acute cannabis overdose, yet the substance is demonized all over the world.

It'll happen soon. People will take a step back from all the propaganda surrounding the cannabis issue. And we'll together come to the only reasonable conclusions:

1. Cannabis should be legal for medical purposes.
2. Cannabis should be regulated in some way, and decriminalized. Fine people if you must, but don't lock them up.
3. Legislation should be based on a comparative study between cannabis and alcohol.
4. Drunk drivers should be run over with an 18-wheeler.

Cheers to a judge in Britain who has a little sense in his head and let a little old lady go back to eating her marijuana eggs.

Friday, April 08, 2005

From my dad's blog

Even if he doesn't call it a blog, it is...

Philosophy of Sex

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
--Tom Clancy

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
--Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
--Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
--Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
--Lynn Lavner

"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
--Matt Barry

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
--Camille Paglia

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
--George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
--Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
--Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
--Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
--Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
--Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
--Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
--Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams

You bunch of ungrateful lurkers

Here I am, providing you with a constant source of amusement, and people won't even sound off! Well, irregardless, here's is a verse I came up with. I hope some of you will play it and like the sounds. I'm going to turn it into a song eventually. It's just variations on Amin->C->G->Emin, but I don't know the names of the chords.
And some lyrics for the first verse.

Never gonna leave you baby, oh, oh, oh, oh
All you gotta say is maybe, oh, oh, oh, oh
When he looks away, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah
I'll be there to stay, doo, doo, dooby, dooby, do.

0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2
2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2
1 1 1 1 1 1 1 0 1 1 1 1 1 1 3 0
0 0 0 3 0 0 0 3 0 0 0 3 3 0 0 0

0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3
2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2
0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
1 1 1 1 1 1 1 0 1 1 1 1 1 1 3 0
0 0 0 3 0 0 0 3 0 0 0 3 3 0 0 0

3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3
2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2
0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
1 1 1 1 1 1 1 0 1 1 1 1 1 1 3 0
0 0 0 3 0 0 0 3 0 0 0 3 3 0 0 0

0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2
2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2
0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
1 1 1 1 1 1 1 0 1 1 1 1 1 1 3 0
0 0 0 3 0 0 0 3 0 0 0 3 3 0 0 0

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Who's reading out there

Please post a comment to this if you are not the following people. Even if this is your first visit. Also, if you verify yourself now, you can be part of the new contest! The thousandeth hit on my site, if they do not make consecutive hits to get there, will be awarded a book of my choice from Amazon.com. It will be a good book, and I will consult with you:

Dan
Dad
Mom
Erin
Ruthie
Celanie
Grantz

If you post a nice interesting comment, I'll make it a post on my blog.

I started the day with a headache

But things are starting to look up. I'm always gratified to turn on my computer and find a good selection of news. All too often it's the same stories as the day before, as legions of journalists rehash the latest celebrity crime, political bickering in Iraq, bankruptcy, and the inneffectual U.N. But the news today said that the world is making great leaps in medicine, philosophy, Iraq, even if the U.N is still floudnering under the leadership of a corrupt, incompetent leader.

Even though we roil against the capitalist might of pharmaceutical companies, they are doing wonderful things, even if some members of the medical community are floundering.

It seems that the Irish have more sense than Hezbollah, after greeting a call to politics with a cautious response instead of gun-waving like Hezbollah did.

Let's give it up for old burnt-face. He's a real hero; Reagan would have been proud.

And this woman is getting away with the crime of a lifetime.

There's so much more good stuff but I should be working by now. If you don't use all of Google's wonderful services you should. It's the best company in teh world. I use their Desktop search, news service, search engine, and alerts feature all the time.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Soon it will be here

The first installment of my Netflix.

It took 2 years, my co-worker dropping one off in the morning as we entered work, and a huge article in the magazine CFO. It's a revolution. If you're a late fee sucker, you must have to have it. And all you have to do is break through the marketing jazz of rentals.

Drunkenated tonight. Work so hard to get some money to buy you thangs...

Friday, April 01, 2005

Don't touch the poopy animals

Or they may give you their nasty diseases, as some very unlucky children found out in Florida this week. It seems that disease is ramping up, and personally, I'm worried. All I can do, though, is stay out of Africa, Asia, and brothels. I have no use for AIDS, any sort of Avian disease, and I really don't want to deal with sterility or any of the other side effects that come from venereal diseases. I have read this stuff before, but John Irving describes some of it in haunting detail in Son of the Circus.

And google links about the family:

http://www.theeagle.com/opinions/letterstoeditor/nov2004/111104letterstoeditor.php
http://maxpages.com/punkrawkerz/People_in_Life
http://www.stripersonline.com/cgi-bin/ubb_547C/ultimatebb.cgi/topic/7/1520.html?
http://goodsoul.stumbleupon.com/about/

These are sort of lame links, but hey, whadaya gonna do?