The Personal Website of Andrew L Johnson

If you want to follow my blog, please visit www.andrewljohnson.com. That's right folks, the personal website of Andrew L. Johnson. When you think andrewljohnson, this is the site for you. Just my ramblings on programming, hiking, games, and the like.

Here are a few great places on my website, TrailBehind.com. TrailBehind helps people find great adventures outdoors.

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  Yosemite National Park
  
  


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  Allegheny National Forest
  
  


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  Tahoe National Forest
  
  


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  Joshua Tree National Park
  
  

Menounos Dazzles Baseball Fans with Hustle, Her Ass

Fresh from scarring the Obama daughters for life, "Access Hollywood" reporter Maria Menounos appeared in the lineup at the All-Star Legends & Celebrity softball game on Sunday, observing what human simulacra outside the greater Los Angeles area refer to as "good-natured fun."

Congratulations are due, Maria, for being the prettiest member of this squad, no mean feat when Billy Baldwin is playing short. You looked "fan-tastic"! Nice job also in hitting for the cycle and stealing home twice. (Fine, so we didn't watch it. And? There was a goddamn Yankees game on.)

More here.

Spitzer, I hardly know her!

Myron Cope Dies

There will be no obituary because the grief is inexorable. Maybe later after a few Arn's.

WTAE has finally uploaded several of Myron's musical spoofs onto YouTube. In this video, Myron parodies the Macarena.

Bye now, Myron.

Horror Movie Seeks Fred Thompson Supporters

It's been a while, jerks, but I'm back. Fahr'd up...mmm ready to go! The producers of a new horror flick have issued a general casting call for all inbreds, albinos, dysfunctionals, and freaks of nature. The directors of "Shelter," which stars Julienne Moore and will be filmed in Pittsburgh, want all local weirdos to play extras in the movie's West Virginia scenes. Think Deliverance.

Here's your money quote from local casting director Donna Belajac: "Some of these 'holler' people - because they are insular and clannish, and they don't leave their area - there is literally inbreeding, and the people there often have a different kind of look. That's what we're trying to get."

The casting call announcement points out the exact kind of freakish attributes that would qualify one for this glamorous role: "Extraordinarily tall or short. Unusual body shapes, even physical abnormalities as long as there is normal mobility. Unusual facial features, especially eyes."

Open Sewer

Starting this spring, scientists will commence a study of bio-diversity and health in the Allegheny River. Cheers, sez this humble writer.

The Allegheny's biggest polluter isn't that generic sociopathic capitalist cursed by the POGgers over Old Germans at Gooskis. Nope, biggest criminal in the set is your local sanitation authority. During heavy rains, the City of Pittsburgh and small mom-and-pop sewer shops in Allegheny River towns flush your toilet straight into the drink, giving our rivers the distinctive color of a Starbucks Mocha Latte. We swim in it, fish in it, boat in it and drink from it. The left overs flow dahn the Ohio to St. Louis, where it's bottled as Budweiser Select. (rim shot!)

Over the past century of sewerage treatment, society has expanded its definition of acceptable treatment. Unfortunately, the same 120 year old sewer lines carry shit and storm from Victorian towns and city neighborhoods to aging '50s era treatment facilities. Sadly, not only are underground infrastructure and sediment tanks aren't the prize photo-op ribbon cutting for our myopic politicians, they're fantastically expensive. Absent Cholera or some other preventable water-borne illness, politicians facing criticism over the incredible cost of any such functional yet invisible project would much rather invest in a hockey arena while we plebs splash our summers away in our own filth.

Hopefully this study will commence a serious discussion about our sewer and water problems; and yes, spur investment in our deteriorating infrastructure. And no, we won't be able to chalk this up as an economic bonanza. Its just a necessity.